Atlanta, GA--The United Church of Christ has endorsed homosexual marriage and demanded that God rewrite the Bible "to reflect modern realities." According to UCC Rules Committee member, Nancy Ballabeuster, "God could not have foreseen such changes in human relationships as we've witnessed in the past 30 years. We know that God is love, and as such She would want us to have a Bible that makes everyone feel good about herself, regardless of sexual orientation, race, or criminal activity."
Not everyone at the synod approved, though. The Rev. Brett Becker said, "if we had put it to a vote of the people in the pews, it would have failed overwhelmingly," he said. "This is truly Independence Day for the UCC